NFL Week 6: What We Learned

A lot of big fantasy football stars had big days today. Tom Brady, Ray Rice, DeAngelo Williams, and Randy Moss all had big days. A lot of good teams looked great and a few bad teams just looked horrible. A few surprises happened, but nothing that would jump off of the page, except for the Raiders beating the Eagles, I don't know many people who would have predicted that. Here is what we learned during Week 6 in the 2009 NFL season.

- The Cincinnati Bengals aren't as good as we thought they were. When the Bengals are favored in a game, they are 2-13 against the spread. They love the part of underdog, but when they are supposed to win, they choke.

- Matt Schaub is finally starting to play like a franchise quarterback. Sure, having Andre Johnson and Owen Daniels receiving balls helps, but Steve Slaton hasn't done anything this year. The Texans are starting to look like a possible playoff team.

- The Patriots look like they are back to their 2007 form. They beat the Titans 59-0 and CBS actually changed the game to a more competitive game in the 3rd quarter. Tom Brady looks like he's back and that only makes Randy Moss play even harder. Oh by the way, Laurence Maroney is alive, who knew? I liked him when he was a rookie, but he fell out of favor with the coaches and he was in a black void in New England.

- Tennessee needs to start Vince Young. Kerry Collins is nearly as old as Brett Favre and you have a lot of money vested in Young. You need to see what you have, or this season could be a complete loss. If this season ends and you still have no idea if Young can be a starter in this league, you're not doing your job as talent evaluators.

- The Atlanta Falcons looked just as good as last week. The running game never got going, but Matt Ryan loves Tony Gonzalez.

- Jay Cutler still has some things to work out. He looks like he really loves Johnny Knox, but he can't rely on him all game. I'm also worried about Matt Forte, he had another rough game against a solid team. It seems like he can only gain yards against the Lions, but I could probably put up a 100+ yard game against Detroit.

- Speaking of the Lions, they were without Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson...did they have a chance against Green Bay? It was a worthless game and the Lions didn't put up a single point.

- I want to congratulate the Packers on beating up a the B-team that the Lions put out on the field. They should have put up Madden-like numbers in this game, but only beat them 26-0.

- We learned that Ray Rice is the true #1 running back in Baltimore and that the Vikings are a better team.

- The Vikings are truly Favre's team. Adrian Peterson will not have a great fantasy year, because the gunslinger is calling the plays. Also, thanks to the pre-game, Peterson has a crazy shoe fetish.

- The Saints are a really good team. They beat the Giants and they put up a ton of points against them. I think we can put them as the #1 team in the NFC, they are even better than Minnesota.

- I know Eli Manning isn't 100%, but the Giants got handed a really bad loss. Their defense should be ashamed, they are better than that.

- Mark Sanchez looked like a rookie today. He threw 5 interceptions and 4 of those were definitely his fault.

- The Bills surprised me today, even if Sanchez won the game for the Bills.

- The Browns are still bad, it doesn't matter who is playing quarterback.

- Hines Ward had a good game against Cleveland, does that surprise you? The Ohio teams in the AFC have been padding his stats since he came into the league.

- Carolina can win, despite Jake Delhomme. They really put the handcuffs on him in this game. He only threw 65 yards and they clearly don't trust him. Just keep handing the ball off to Williams and Stewart, Jake.

- Tampa Bay has to win a game at some point, right? I don't know if I learned that today, but how could they drop this much in one season.

- Jim Zorn should have been fired three weeks ago, but he has job security. I learned that if you want to never be fired, make sure that you're the only one that knows the passwords to the computers. They can't get rid of you.

- I predicted that the Chiefs would win 6 games this season. I don't look as dumb now, only five more to go!

- The Jaguars are bipolar, they need meds. You don't know which team is going to be on the field.

- We learned that the Rams are almost an NFL team. It took them a little extra time to lose the game this week, congratulations Rams.

- I thought Seattle was back, but Arizona put the brakes on that. The Cardinals played a nearly perfect first quarter and it deflated Seattle's hopes.

Can Carolina Pull Off An Upset In Dallas?

Carolina were 12-4 last season and it would be unfathomable for the team to start out the year at 0-3. They relied on the running game and defense to win games, but this season nothing has been working. Jake Delhomme's play has not helped them at all, he's been a turnover machine. Carolina are huge underdogs in tonight's Monday Night Football showdown against Dallas, but could they pull off the upset and send Jerry Jones 0-2 in his new stadium? Here are some reasons why Carolina is going to win tonight's game.

The Cowboys Have Yet To Score A Turnover So Far This Year - I know that Dallas won't go an entire season without getting an interception or fumble recovery, but if Carolina refrain from doing so, they can win this game. Dallas hasn't even notched a sack either. Their defense hasn't been very good, since they allowed Tampa Bay to score 23 points in Week 1, and the Giants scored 33 last week on Sunday Night Football. Dallas needs a few turnovers if they plan on winning this game.

Carolina's offensive line will push Dallas' defensive line back every play - DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart will be seeing the ball all night. Tampa Bay ran the ball all over Dallas and the Giants had a decent game last week. They will give up yards on the ground and Carolina can build with some play action and give Delhomme some time to hit Steve Smith on a few occassions.

Tony Romo has been known to give up some games on Monday and Sunday Nights - Romo had three interceptions last week and he tries to thread the needle, just like Delhomme. They are the same kind of quarterback, but people forget that because Romo can date Jessica Simpson and Delhomme looks like he was an extra in "The Waterboy." Delhomme and Romo will both throw around 50% tonight, but with Marion Barber hurt, the Cowboys will have to rely on him more than Carolina will rely on their QB.

The Cowboys will feel the pressure, Carolina has nothing to lose - I know this seems kind of off, because if the Panthers hit 0-3, John Fox could be feeling the heat, but this is a road game. If this same game was in Carolina, it would switch, but the Panthers want to go in to the "Death Star," which is more commonly known as Cowboys Stadium, and upset the party in Dallas. They don't want the Cowboys to get their first win at home, and the stadium could prove to be the anti-home field advantage. Fans are stuck watching the game on the giant screen and not paying attention to the game. I think this is an advantage for Carolina.

Carolina are 8.5 point underdogs and if you bet the moneyline, you can get 3:1 odds in your favor. I'm not guaranteeing a win for Carolina, but this game is going to be a lot closer than people expect. You will see more of the 2008-09 Carolina team than what you have witnessed so far this season. Are we forgetting that Dallas cracks under pressure and they will until they get a win at home. Wade Phillips is a lame duck coach and Jason Garrett can't feel too great about his standings as the "coach-in-waiting" at this point either. Their offense has been inconsistent and the defense have regressed every season since Phillips has been head coach. This Dallas team isn't the one that was favored to win the NFC a few years ago, this team will probably go 10-6 or 9-7 this year. Can Carolina win tonight? Absolutely. Will they win? We'll see, but don't count them out just yet.

Why Your Team Will Not Win The Super Bowl

Right now, every NFL fan thinks their team is going to be a Super Bowl contender. Only one team wins every year, so most fans leave the season dejected and deflated. I want to help you out and push you off the ledge and take that cup of kool-aid out of your hand. It's better to realize now that your team is bad, rather than wait until the playoffs, or if you're a Lions fan, Week three. Read this and see why your team isn't going to win the Super Bowl in 2009.

Arizona Cardinals - Your quarterback is nearly a grandpa and you drafted a fragile running back to anchor your backfield. If the injury bug hits, it could devastate worse than the plague.

Atlanta Falcons - Michael Turner aged four years last season by getting more than 370 carries and Matt Ryan isn't Peyton Manning....yet.

Baltimore Ravens - If you take Derrick Mason out of the line-up, I have more career catches than the rest of the wide-receiving corps combined.

Buffalo Bills - Remember when Marcus Stroud was good? Buffalo fans have no memory of it. The NFL Odds will be stacked against them this year.

Carolina Panthers - You had your chance last season, but Delhomme literally gave the game away. Also, the Panthers have never had back-to-back seasons of over .500 football.

Chicago Bears - You traded two future first-round picks and a neckbeard for a diabetic quarterback. Is it me or does he have a little Jeff George in him?

Cincinnati Bengals - Ask the Chiefs and Cowboys how they did after being on "Hard Knocks." Also, Chad Ochocinco will have his twitter feed pumped through his helmet by mid-season.

Cleveland Browns - Braylon Edwards can't catch a pass Josh Cribbs isn't your answer. Also, your quarterback has been on the cover of Men's Fitness once every fiscal quarter. How about Brady Quinn spend more time watching film and less working on his abs.

Dallas Cowboys - Jessica Simpson is gone...the jinx is gone! Unfortunately, Wade Phillips is still your coach. Good news, you have a sweet tv above your field.

Denver Broncos - Your quarterback has broken finger and a neckbeard and your #1 receiver hates your city.

Detroit Lions - Let me know when you win a game and then we can think of something witty about you losing a Super Bowl.

Green Bay Packers - Your defensive backs are so old that they probably owned pagers. I remember when they played in college, I did quite a bit of NCAA football betting on the teams that they played for.

Houston Texans - A lot of people are picking your team as a dark horse. They forgot that you have to play the Colts and Titans twice every year.

Indianapolis Colts - Bob Sanders is injured again, I guess you better get Maurice Jones-Drew, Steve Slaton, and Chris Johnson on your fantasy team, they are going to be racking up a lot of yards against the Colts.

Jacksonville Jaguars - If you lose a game and no fan is there to watch it, did you really lose a game? The way that they are selling tickets there, maybe they won't lose any games this season.

Kansas City Chiefs - Your team still smells like Herm Edwards.

Miami Dolphins - Your team is partially owned by Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony. They sent a memo that the "wildcat" formation will now be known as "El Gato Loco"

Minnesota Vikings - Brett Favre has a torn shoulder and he'll want to pass on every down. Adrian Peterson might as well line up as the slot receiver.

New England Patriots - Your team traded or forced all of their veterans on defense to retire after last season. You better get used to 49-48 games this season.

New Orleans Saints - They can definitely score points, but let me know when their cornerbacks can cover an NFL receiver.

New York Giants - The last time Mario Manningham caught a pass, he was in college. Now he's one of your main targets. Good luck with that Giants fans.

New York Jets - New coach, rookie quarterback, old running back, weak receiving corps...Super Bowl Champions! Mike Greenberg's head would explode, leaving a thick film of hair gel on everything.

Oakland Raiders - Maybe if Tom Cable took some of that aggression and punched some of his players in the face, they would win some games.

Philadelphia Eagles - Your quarterback looks like he has gained 20 pounds and he's very thin-skinned. The fans are already chanting Michael Vick's name, I'm sure McNabb can handle it, right?

Pittsburgh Steelers - Your team has the most obnoxious fanbase of any team. No matter what I say here, you're still going to be crazy. So go wave your yellow blankies and drink your Iron City beer.

San Diego Chargers - It's not good when you're star linebacker is choking bi-sexual asian women.

San Francisco 49ers - Mike Singletary is a scary man, the Niners will be pissing themselves if they drop a pass or miss an assignment. I would recommend wearing a diaper under your jock strap.

Seattle Seahawks - Jim Mora Jr. is your head coach. That's not the better and more entertaining Jim Mora. Remember when Jim Mora Jr. called on a cell phone during a game? He's clueless.

St. Louis Rams - They let their best player leave, Torry Holt, and they still have no quarterback.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Someone should tell them that you can only play one quarterback at a time, so there is no need to have that many on your roster.

Tennessee Titans - Kerry Collins is an old man and your back-up still has his tail between his legs from an interception he threw last season.

Washington Redskins - Was Jim Zorn ready to be a head coach? I think I know at least 53 guys who wouldn't think so.